Apparently there is a new case being heard in England regarding the Da Vinci Code. It seems that the authors of a book, "Holy Blood, Holy Grail" think that author Dan Brown stole his idea from them.

Their attorney claims that they aren't suing based on theft of specific parts of the text, but on the "appropriation of themes and ideas".

Okay....here's my problem with that. Do they honestly believe that they are the only ones to have had that particular idea? I mean really. If you're going to start suing for "appropriation of themes and ideas" every romance novelist in the WORLD is guilty. Those themes and ideas get recycled so often it's not funny, and yet you don't see Nora Roberts and Jayne Anne Krantz fist fighting ont he steps of the courthouse.

I think, personally, that these two men had an idea and the book just didn't take off....and now they want a slice of a more successful pie. Plain and simple.
My son, whom I love dearly, refuses to sleep. It is after two in the morning and he is STILL awake. And not the quiet, snuggled up with mommy awake either. It's the screaming, hollering, crying whenever you put him to bed awake. The one that you just can't ignore.

I have a feeling that the next year of my son's life is going to be very interesting. I'm about to catch all of the "terrible two" stuff my daughter never did.

Stay Tuned.


*insert evil laugh here*

I usually don't post the results of these silly little quizzes, but this one was funny.

You Are 68% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.
Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

I love it!!!
So I have to go out to the hospital lab tomorrow and have that stupid three hour blood test. I've been reading and reasearching about the gestational diabetes tests and it seems that there are a lot of false positives recorded....this does not make me smile.

I will be asking the technician , and my doctor what the difference is between the tests they are having me take and the daily blood testing Russ has to do. I've been checking my blood sugar at random and if I check it in the morning it's around 90 or 95, if I check it after I eat, it's never higher than 115, which, although it's at the higher end, is still well within normal for my age and body weight....at least according to the American Diabetes Association.

It's frustrating not to know what to trust. I'm gonna be so frustrated if I have to spend the last two months of this pregnancy on a special diet...I really am. I'll do it though, because any chance is to much of a chance, you know? *sighs* I hate being a responsible adult, I really do.


Why do we give these things titles?

I was just thinking about that....I hate having to come up with clever or interesting titles for every new post I make. So why do I do it? Am I giving in to peer pressure? No. Am I looking for some sort of recognition of my ability to aptly title every little thing I write? No.

I think I may just stop titling the damn things unless I start the post with a specific theme in mind. Maybe I'll just start posting with no clue as to what you are about to read.

Maybe I shouldn't try to write after midnight anymore.


My son and the snow boots

My son, who is almost two, has been wearing his snow boots everywhere since I bought them for him a month ago. Last night, he was running around the house in a diaper and his snow boots. Needless to say they are his favorite thing.

Here's the problem, they stink. He wears them all the time, usually without socks, so his little feet sweat. And now the boots ( and my sons feet, by the end of the day_ smell awful.

I just don't have the heart to take them away from him, and the lining isn't removable, so washing is out. I think this is one of those things I'm going to chalk up to the " Do you have any idea what I put up with when you were little" column and save it so I can embarrass him in front of his first real girlfriend.


It was spring when she met him. He smiled at her when she made a joke. They shared a few conversations in the weeks that followed and she began to look forward to seeing him.

When he asked her out, she said yes, reluctantly. Dating had never been her thing. He laughed and told her it was only drinks, not a marriage proposal.

Summer was touching the earth when he proposed. The sweat of sex still clinging to him. He swore he loved her like he had loved no other. She swallowed her fear and said yes. They held each other like tomorrow could never touch them.

The chill of fall was on the wind when she felt him move away from her. The child inside her moved and she cried for what might not be. She bled and he promised to be with her forever.

Winter froze the ground when she knew he was gone. No more long nights talking, no more casual caresses or whispered words of love. Lies leaked from his mouth, running like acid into her.

Spring came again when the child arrived. Bright and beautiful, coloring her world with meaning. She held him and promised his life would be good. She looked at the man she had thought was good and felt the sorrow leach her strength.

Summer came again and she knew he did not care. No loving touches, no small remembrances. Only more acrid lies. They carved her apart. He only looked through her, not caring for her pain.

It was fall again when they found her. Body broke, torn apart. All she had left was a simple shred of paper, what remained of his only love letter.

Better to die a broken body, a broken heart takes to long.

for her

i wonder
did you ever see the inside of fear
did you ever see the inside of the night

i wonder
did you ever see the long dark
that came before the moment of glory

i wonder
where it all began for you
and where it all ended for me

i wonder

i want to know
where i left the person i was
the things i was going to do

i want to know
where i became the frightened shell
that huddled in the drunken shadow
of nightmares

i want to know

where i woke up
where did i realize i was not the
person i could be

i look into her eyes and

i know

Just a note

Over the next few days I will be posting poetry and some other writings from my other site to this board. This is all old stuff, but I'm closing the other site down so I'm going to post the writing in here for now. some of you have already read this stuff.....so feel free to skip it, or read it again.

That is all....continue with your day

I forgot why I came in here...

Perhaps two in the morning isn't the best time to have important thoughts and try to put them out for the world to read.

I logged in so I could say something that I thought was of vital importance, and then I got totally sidetracked by something and now I've forgotten what it was that was so earth shatteringly important I had to come online at two a.m.

Somebody get me an Ambien.....


Inadequacy...You Know I love it!

I'm feeling a little inadequate at the moment. Well, maybe inadequate isn't the right word, but it's the best one I can come up with at !:16 in the morning. I've been reading the blogs of some other people, and I've come to the following conclusions:

(1) Some people have serious views on some truly non-serious subjects.

(2) Some people put WAY more effort and time into their blog than I do.

Apparently, people actually do read these things. Who knew? Maybe I should spruce the place up a bit. Add some catchy phrases, a few pictures.......



Ten Things that make me happy

(1) My children's laughter
(2) The smell of my dog when he's warm from sleeping in my lap
(3) Dollie's smile
(4) The smell of fresh baked bread
(5) The way trees look after a fresh frost has settled on them
(6) Discovering that I can do something I thought I couldn't
(7) Curling up with a soft blanket and a good book to read for a whole afternoon
(8) Spending time with Stephanine
(9) Shopping for nothing special with my daughter, just so we have an excuse to eat Chinese food
(10) Making someone else smile


Do you think I have weird taste in men?

Throughout my life, I have never really gravitated toward "pretty boys". I've always thought I should be the pretty one in the relationship....I want my men to look like men. Oh, and they have to be smart, and have a sense of humour. NOw, I won't say that some of the men I find attractive aren't prety, but they aren't "prety boys". Just thought I'd share a couple of pictures of the men on my "Top Ten Celebrity Boyfriend" list, cause yeah, I have one of those. Aren't they yummy?

The State of Utah vs. well.....my family I guess

So as amyone who has read my profile knows, I live in Utah. I don't know how much longer I'm going to live in Utah basically because I don't want to live in a state that punishes people, men expecially, when marriages don't work out.

Now, please keep in mind as you read this that I am a divorced woman who spent almost eleven years as a single parent. This will put everything I say into perspective.

As I mentioned before, Russ is being sued by the State of Utah, on behalf of his ex-wife, for a child support issue. The first problem is an outrageous amount of back child support, almost $3,000, that his ex claims he never paid. Well, he did pay it, but he paid it in cash and when she got pissed off at him for dating a younger woman, she took him to ORS and said he hadn't paid her anything in over a year. This is NOT what she told Russ happened you understand...she told Russ that the state told her that any money he had given her prior to her coming into their office was considered a "gift" and that they HAD to go after him for back child support.....this is a LIE. Now he has to hunt and find documentation of payments that are over three and a half years old. Fun!

The second problem is that the Office of Recovery Services has known for over a year that Russ has been unemployed, or underemployed and have flat out refused to reduce his child support to something manageable so he could actually make the payments, thereby avoiding this whole mess. He has asked FOUR times in the last year for a reveiw and each time has been told he needs an attorney to do so....

Apparently the State of Utah doesn't feel that their own agencies should follow the Utah civil code guidelines for low income parents. What a double standard.

And just in case you think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.....Russ is not the only man having this problem. I won't name names, but I know of several men being drug through the rack by the state, simply because they chose to end unhappy relationships.

It amounts to indentured servitude.

I think men, and women, should be responsible for the children they create. I also believe that it should be done in such a way that it doesn't cripple one person for the rest of their lives.

Oh....did I mention that the State takes the attitude that the lazy fat cow of an ex is "entitled" (their word, not mine) to stay home with her children? Meaning that she shouldn't have to work if she doesn't want to. How back asswards is that? Again, if you chose to be the custodial parent, don't you think the burden of supporting those kids is YOURS?


( Side note: Russ has, after a LONG search , finally found employment....YEAH!!! He's still underemployed, but at least it's a job!)

Now for the disclaimer.....I realize that some people will be pissed off that I feel this way. Too bad! I already know that there are actually men ( and women) that never pay a dime....they should be taken to task for that. Russ is not one of those men....in the last three years he has paid with every paycheck, until he no longer had a paycheck to pay with. Clear???

End of rant.......( I seem to be doing that a lot lately...ranting I mean.....think it's the hormones?)


It's official....I'm a geek

Webster's defines bibliophile as :

": a lover of books especially for qualities of format; also : a book collector"

I believe dear readers that I qualify in spades.

I have just finished unpacking and shelving five large boxes of paperback books. There are still 2 more large and at least five small boxes of trade size and hardcover books in my storage closet. Not only does this place me, in my opinion, firmly in the "bibliophile" category....I would say it solidifies my "geek" status. When you own more books than bookshelves, well.....they should have a group that meets once a week, right after the alcoholics, to address that issue, don't you think?

I find it sad that more people don't read, that they can't pick up a book and appreciate the time and labor it took to produce a work of fiction. Creating whole worlds in vivid imagery, pictures exploding in your brain as you progress further into the novel.

I love a good movie as much as the next person, probably more ( that's a WHOLE other story) but I'm the goofball you all stare at in the used bookstore that's sniffing the pages and smiling....I know where that book is going to take me, and I'm ready for it.

Do yourself a favor, pick up a book.....any book, and read it. Don't wait for Oprah, or the Today Show, or even the New York Times to tell you that you should. Stop into your local library and pick up something new and interesting, something you never would have read before and crack it open........

A world of wonder and amazement is at your fingertips, don't waste it.

I Just Don't Get It

Valentines Day is fast approaching, and MSN has a lovely little link that will allow those of you who have not put any real thought into what you want to get your loved ones a quick and easy solution. However, that is not what this post is about.

Out of curiosity ( I wanted to see what the going rate on "love" is these days) I clicked on the "Are you a procrasanova" article and began perusing the links listed therein. I came across one for Coach. At the top of their home page are all the lovely little nav bars and there's one labled "Baby", so I clicked it because, well just because.

Here's my question: Who in the BLUE HELL is buying $98 cashmere mittens for their babies?

What could possibly posses someone to think, "Cashmere, that's what my six month old needs." Do these people have NOTHING better to do with their money? I mean come ON people. The first thing that child is going to do is either stick the mitten in it's mouth, or rip it off......the baby just doesn't care if the mitten is cashmere or cotton.

This is a prime example of waste and excess in our society. People sit around bemoaning the state of affairs in the world today and at the same time they are paying some bozo $98 for MITTENS....MITTENS people, I mean you can get mittens for your kids at Target for about $7.....get a clue.

With the extra $91 you could get a whole freakin outfit.

AUTHORS NOTE: If you are reading this and are indeed one of the people buying cashmere mittens and $100 tennis shoes for your kids because they're "cute", do not bother with the angry, offended comments. I will still think it's ridiculous and wasteful. Thank You!


The Dumbest Thing I've Ever Heard......

Do we all know who Lewis Black is? If you don't click the link and check him out. I had a recent re-introduction to his comedy...funny funny shit!!!!!

That's all...just wanted to put that out there.....


James, Judy and a wonderful afternoon

Today we met James and Judy in perosn for the first time. I was nervous, but I think I hid it well. Stephanie came out and picked us up and we arrived at the hotel around 3:30. James and Judy were waiting in the hotel lobby and I immediatly felt comfortable.

I have to tell you, they are the most warm, genuine people. It makes me feel good about the decison to have them adopt. My son absolutely adored them both, which again, says something positve about them.

We chatted for just a bit and then headed to the restaurant. We went to the Red Rock Cafe and the food was delicious. It was Russ and myself, James and Judy, Jareth and Stephanie. We ate and talked and there was a lot of laughter. I can just imagine what the home our daughter will grow up in will be like.....full of life and love and laughter. I don't think I could ask for anything better.

It was so wonderful and open of them to include Stephanie in our afternoon. She loved them, but then I knew she would. Having spoken with Judy frequently over the last few months, I knew that everyone here was going to love the two of them. My son was, of course, loud and rambunctious and full of entertainment. I had such a good time.

Judy and James drove us home and on the way we stopped to view the Great Salt Lake. It was a beautiful day and the sun was just starting to set over the mountains. The view was incredible.

When we got to town, we stopped in at Dollie and Oliver's so that they could meet Judy and James. Again, my son was full of energy....I think that was mostly because we were at "grandma's" house. He loves the two of them more than I can express, and he's always so happy to see them. We talked for a bit before heading back home.

Now...I have got to admit, I was really nervous about bringing them to my house. I am currently living in a frighteningly white trash little trailer, not the sort of first impression you want to make, you know? But neither one of them seemed to notice. We got settled and I brought them the pictures the ultrasound technician had printed out for them. It was their first look at their soon to be little girl. They both looked like they wanted to cry, and in that moment I felt peaceful and secure. Have you ever seen the look on the face of a first time parent when it actually sets in that a new life is about the greet them? Both James and Judy had that look, the one that says, without any words, " I will love you forever."

That is all I need to know. They will love her forever. What more could any parent want for their child?

We're spending the day with them in Salt Lake and I can't wait. More later.


Friday Night...revisited

Stephanie and I went out again on Friday night. She had me home by midnight, which for us is pretty good. We didn't do anything exciting. Had a little dinner. Went to visit her friend Roxanne at work. Shopped. And shopped.....and then shopped some more. I bought movies. I bought stuff for the house. I had a damn good time.

But then, I always have a good time with Stephanie. Next weekend, we're just going to get together at my place, work on the book a bit and then have some dinner and watch a movie. A good time will be had by all.

Today....Saturday....I spent cleaning my house and making it look just a little less like white trash lives here. Just because I live in a trailer, it doesn't mean I have to live like trailer trash. Anyway, my friends Braniff and Laura were over with their son while Branniff helped Russ move some furniture. Nicolai is one of the sweetest little boys I have ever seen....well aside from my son, of course.

Earlier in the day we had to go to Home Depot. I told Nicolai we were going to the Big Orange Store. When we arrived, his father kept trying to get him to call it Home Depot, an Nicolai just kept shaking his head and saying, " No, it's the Big Orange Store." How cute is that?

Tomorrow is the big day, we meet James and Judy for the first time and I have to admit, I'm kind of nervous. It's like a job interview almost. But then I have to think that they are just as nervous. I bought a camera just for the occassion, so I'll take pictures and post them later.

Love to everyone!!!


I'm Confused

Can someone please explain to me why it is breaking news everytime a celebrity gets pregnant? The media acts like they've done something magical, wonderful and new. Women get pregnant every day....all over the world. Should we start posting it to a message board??

"Attention world. I am now pregnant. I will be gaining weight, crying for no apparent reason and cleaning the house at odd hours. Thank you for your attention, we now return you to your lives."

I'm sure that people like Gwennyth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie are very nice. I'm happy for them, having a child is a wonderous thing. But I don't know them, and I really think that there are bigger and better things to focus on than celebrities reproducing.

End of rant.......

To early

So my son, who is almost two, has started signalling his desire to get out of bed every morning by screaming for his father and kicking the wall of his bedroom like a deranged maniac. This is gonna be fun.

It's not even seven in the morning yet......another recent trend with my son....rising at horrifying hours. The other day, we were up at five thirty. And he's teething, so that makes him cranky and short tempered. I feel sorry for him. It's not like I can stop the teeth from coming in.

Last night his poor little face was hurting, and he was crying. His little head was lying on my shoulder and I sat down on the couch and got comfortable and he fell asleep like that.

I guess sometimes, mommy is just the best medicine.


February already?

I can't believe it's February already. I remember it being October just...what, like yesterday? My years are getting shorter and shorter. James and Judy will be arriving in Salt Lake on Sunday. Stephanie, angel that she is, has agreed to come out to Tooele and pick up the family and take us in so we can meet them, have dinner, that kind of thing. Have I mentioned how much I love her recently? She's always there for me. Always.

When we went out the other night, she and I were talking and it struck me that she is the first person, since I was in high school, that I would apply the term "best friend" too. Everyone needs a friend like Stephanie. You know the one I'm talking about. The friend that if you call at three in the morning, because your world is melting down, she'll sit and listen even though she's exhausted and would rather be sleeping. She's the one that makes it fun to enjoy life, because when you're with her, you don't have to do it alone. She's right there next to you, laughing out loud at the movies, doing the silly things in public. She's the one you buy those ridiculous little greeting cards for, not because she needs them to know how special she is to you, but because you know she'll appreciate the gesture.

Yeah, everyone needs a Stephanie in their life.