Naivete, I wear it so well

I consider myself a fairly educated woman. I like to think I keep up with current events, stay up to date on the issues and maintain a reasonably active voice. After the recent post I did about Representative Sally Kern and her despicable remarks, I realized I'm not as educated on the issues or vocal as I like to think.

Since that post I have been receiving emails from the Utah Pride Center as well as emails from The Human Rights Campaign. It's been an eye opening period of time.

I'll be the first to admit that when I hear the phrase "human rights" I think of people of other ethnicity's or people in third world countries or countries with non-democratic governments, I don't think of the GLBT community. If you say "civil rights" I think along those lines, but not "human rights". I'm ashamed of that.

Until just recently I was in that place that I think a lot of well meaning people are in. I have gay, lesbian and transgender friends. I know that there are issues that effect them. But I didn't really believe that our society or our government would allow them to be treated like second class citizens. What a wake up call for me.

The GLBT community isn't just dealing with random acts of discrimination by a few individuals. It's not something that can just be shrugged off as an isolated incident. These men and women are being told by governing bodies, medical administrators, religious leaders and whole other sections of our society that they don't count as much as people who have heterosexual relationships. It's absurd to say the least.

A part of me had always believed that while the law did not "technically" recognize gay and lesbian partners as family in cases of emergency doctors and other health care professionals would have compassion and share important information. Not so. They are shut out and left to wonder what is happening to the person they love.

If a gay or lesbian couple purchases property together or has children together they don't have the same protections that a heterosexual couple would be given in cases of divorce or spousal death. The remaining partner is treated like a stranger.

For a long time now I have taken the stance that not allowing people like Sally Kern to continue with their hate filled agendas was about protecting the larger good. After everything I've learned, the "greater good" seems somehow less important, if that makes any sense. I can not, in good conscience, live in a world where an entire group of people are treated as second class because they don't fit the mold that one narrow minded section of our populace wants to perpetuate.

Okay...stepping off the soapbox now, but don't be surprised to see it come back out later.


I hate job hunting. I have always hated job hunting. The whole process seems silly and out-dated to me. I'm over qualified for this job, I'm under qualified for that one. I'm perfect for that third position, but for some reason I just "don't fit"....Every time I go into an interview I want to look the person interviewing me in the eye and say,"Look, if I didn't know I have the skills you were looking for, I wouldn't have bothered applying for the job. I'm an adult, I'm educated and I will give the best that I can when I'm at work. Beyond that, I don't know what 'perfect answer' you're looking for."

Of course, in the real world, such a thing would be looked upon as being disrespectful or some other bullshit.

I just really hate looking for a job.....seriously, it's like a bad date that never ends.


And here we all thought the problem was rising inflation and a probable recession....

Well folks, it looks like the real culprit is "the gays". Just typing that makes me snort. It's like listening to your grandmother lean across the table at a holiday dinner to whisper "those people" when she's telling a story she heard from Matilda down the hall at the retirement community.

Over the weekend, Representative Sally Kern of Oklahoma delivered a speech to a small group of constituents. She thought she was only talking to the 50 or so people present in the room, well welcome to the 21st century honey, the whole world is listening now. Representative Kern went on a rant about the "gay threat" to our country.

After I heard this speech I went and did some looking, because I was shocked that I hadn't heard anything about this in the news. I found a posting on a discussion board from Oklahoma City. People are ashamed and outraged. One poster included an reply to an email sent to Representative Kern:

Her response to an email message from someone questioning her comments:

"Thank you for your email. I appreciate you taking the time to write and express your concerns and opinion.
I am totally against hate speech. Always have been and always will be. What you heard on YouTube was from a talk I gave on the aggressive movement to fund homosexuals and pro-homosexual candidates across the country and here in Oklahoma now that an openly homosexual is running for a statewide seat.

The account given on YouTube took my words out of context and omitted other parts stringing certain words together to make it appear I was engaging in hate speech. I was not and would never do such a thing.

YouTube account is a blatant misrepresentation of my talk.

As an American, you and I, and everyone else has the right to express our opinion. I said nothing that wasn't true. The homosexual agenda is real, the movement is aggressive, and it is a very real threat to the sacred institution of marriage and the traditional family unit. They are actively seeking to remove conservatives from the political arena.

My talk was to a Republican group and I was speaking about the homosexual agenda to defeat conservative Republicans. They want to silence anyone who does not approve their lifestyle. They want their freedom but don't want those who disagree to have their freedom.
I have said and will continue to say that they have every right to choose that lifestyle and I will defend their right to do so. But I do not have to agree with it and speaking against it is not hate speech.

God bless, Sally Kern "

I'm so glad she took the time to clarify which homosexual agenda she was speaking about, because lord knows, at this point I've just simply lost track. As for her assertion that homosexuality is a "very real threat to the sacred institution of marriage and the traditional family unit", I have to wonder where this woman has been for the last twenty years. According to the biographical information posted on her official page, she has a degree in Sociology, which should mean she is aware of the rising divorce rate among heterosexual couples as well as the increasing tendency of "traditional" heterosexual couples to live together for longer and longer periods. The even bigger question to be asked is, "How?" How are gays and lesbians a threat to this supposedly sacred institution?

Her response doesn't even address the statement she makes where she says that homosexuality is a bigger threat than terrorism or Islam. So, apparently, not only does this woman believe that homosexuals have some secret agenda to "turn" us all gay, she places terrorists and the whole of Islam in the same category. Nevermind the fact that not all terrorists are Islamic. She can't explain that away by saying it was taken out of context.

People like Sally Kern make it sound like individuals who are homosexual are cartoon-like villans, sitting in secret lairs, rubbing their hands together and laughing with glee as they plot the downfall of the "traditional" American family.

It terrifies me that there are people like this in control of our local, state and even national government. Such intolerence is ignorant and dangerous. I urge anyone that reads this to continue to spread the word about this woman's vile attitude. Don't let this die. Write letters. Not just to Representative Kern. Write to your own national officials and urge them to publically decry this woman for her actions. If our country raised a stink because Don Imus called a group of young women "nappy headed hos" on the radio, don't you think it should now stand up and make even more noise?

To write to Sally Kern:

Capitol Address:
2300 N. Lincoln Blvd.
Room 332
Oklahoma City, OK 73105
(405) 557-7348

District Address:
2713 Sterling Ave.
Oklahoma City, OK 73127


This isn't the first time a politican in America has targeted the gay and lesbian community and it won't be the last. We need to make sure that people understand that we aren't going to let a persons sexuality be the last acceptable form of discrimination in our country. Even if you don't agree with a persons choices, remember this, tomorrow it could be your choices they disagree with and then what will you do?

EDIT: Since originally posting this I have found out that the Human Rights Campaign has a running letter writing campaign in an effort to exert pressure on Representative Kern to apologize for her remarks. I encourage everyone that reads this to participate in the campaign and to post a link so that others can do so as well.


Vigilence People, VIGILENCE!!!!

As the parent of two I have developed highly defined views on some pretty contentious points over the years. Those of you who have been reading here for a while have seen me go off on some of them. As I was trolling the internet today I came across a story about a suburban mom from Illinois that will be standing trial for child endangerment and obstructing a peace officer. The charges stem from an incident in December when she left her sleeping two year old alone in a locked vehicle while she escorted two other children to a nearby Salvation Army bell ringer to donate money to charity.

According to all accounts, even those of the authorities, the car was not actually out of view of the mother and the mother was not gone for longer than 90 seconds or so.

Okay, this is a tough one for me. I once called the police on a woman at Wal-Mart for leaving her child alone in her SUV while she went into the store. Difference was, the vehicle was parked about 300 feet from the entrance, the windows were rolled down and the woman actually went all the way inside the store. I also waited for fifteen minutes for her to return before alerting the authorities. I think that's a really important difference, don't you?

I get that leaving a child alone and unattended is a bad thing to do. I get that child abduction only takes seconds, literally seconds, but don't we think that this may be going overboard just a TAD? It seems to me that the police department in question here is doing a couple of things: (1) covering for the fact that the officer in question was over reacting and (2) the department in question is using the woman to "make an example". Even the local social service agency found no cause to proceed.

I think she should have gotten a serious lecture about the safety issue invovled. I think she should have been made to be a little embarrassed about not thinking more clearly and maybe waiting until the weather was better and either the baby was awake or there was someone to watch her before they ran to Wal-Mart...I mean there were choices, but I don't think she did anything that requires she be JAILED. Because I mean, obviously, we don't have any REAL criminals that might need the space.



The Feminine Ideal

I have a secret. I fart. Are you shocked? I have, on occasion, been known to burp as well. I sneeze, I sometimes snort when I laugh, when I have a cold, my nose runs. I am guilty of biting my fingernails more than once in my lifetime...I have even done so in front of other people.

I know. You've lost all respect for me now, haven't you? I just couldn't keep it from you any longer. I felt like a fraud. Here I was pretending to be a woman and all the things that go with it and in fact, I was, well, human. Now you know the ugly truth.

I don't always shave my legs, or my armpits for that matter. Sometimes I go days....DAYS...without putting makeup on. I have been seen, in public mind you, wearing the same pair of jeans I wore the day before. I have committed the awful sin of peeing with the bathroom door open and poor, poor Russ has had to witness this. Thankfully, he forgives me these faults.

At this point I'm sure you're thinking, "Could this get any worse?" But it does. I have scars. There are scars from where I picked at scabs, despite the warnings of my mother, as a child. There are scabs from wounds I received as a result of actual physical labor as an adult, even though I know real women don't do that kind of thing. I even have some emotional scars that rear their ugly heads and make me say things that are less than, well, less than feminine.

I find myself wishing that there were someplace, a clinic or a hospital, that I could go to to get help for these glaring faults. Someone that could help me be more of a woman. Alas, all I have are articles like this: Surprising Sex-Appeal Deflators I promise that I will study hard and try to be a better example of everything a woman should be.


Is it just me?

I sat down intending to write a post about something that's been bugging the crap out of me. As I wrote it I was reading it and I sounded like a petulant, selfish child. I hate petulant, selfish me. I much prefer well grounded and understanding me. I'm not sure where she is at the moment, but I think if I look hard enough I can find her. For the time being though, I'm going to indulge the five year old child that still lurks in my brain....you've been warned.

Know what I hate? I hate when people whine and whine and whine about how hard their lives are when most of the shit they have to put up with is of their own making. You know the type, the ones with no kids and expensive taste that bitch about how they never have money in the bank? The ones that go out to really expensive restaurants and have the latest "new thing" and want you to feel sorry for them because they had to pay so much for the privelge? I hate that.

Know what I hate? I hate people who talk down to me because I don't have what they think of as a "real" job. I do freelance work from home, I'm a full time student AND I'm the mother of a four year old child..who has a learning disability. Oh, and did I mention we have no medical insurance, are not on any kind of state assistance and we pay for not one, but two major medical needs each month...OUT OF POCKET??? Yeah, so shut up! I do more in one day at my "non" job than you do in your eight hour "real" job. Fuck off!

Know what I hate? I hate people who bitch about how picked on or tired or lonely or blah blah blah.....but never do a damn thing to change their own lives. I hate professional victims. I hate the constant crisis mongers. I'm sure everyone knows at least one person who doesn't seem happy unless they're moaning about how unfair at least one thing in their life is, or was, or will be. As Christopher Titus said, "Get off the cross, use the wood to build a bridge and GET OVER IT!"

Know what I hate? I hate people that tell you they've "done all their going to do" for you. What the hell does that mean anyway? That ranks right up there with "it's all in your head" and "just work through it". Of course, these very same people will never attend the educational classes you ask them to go to, or come to any of the one on one sessions you've invited them to so that they can understand what might be going on inside your life or how important the recovery process is...noooooo.......maybe we should adopt this attitude for all illnesses, how about it?

*huge sigh of relief* Okay, I think I found grown-up me. Yup, there she is. The five year old still has other things she'd like to say, but grown-up me is asserting the right to self censor before we get ourself into trouble. But hey, if your inner five year old feels like letting loose, give it a go!

Iron and Wine

A boy with a coin he found in the weeds
With bullets and pages of trade magazines
Close to a car that flipped on the turn
When God left the ground to circle the world

A girl with a bird she found in the snow
Then flew up her gown and that’s how she knows
If God made her eyes for crying at birth
Then left the ground to circle the earth

A boy with a coin he crammed in his jeans
Then making a wish he tossed in the sea
Walked to a town that all of us burn
When God left the ground to circle the world

A friend of mine recommended this guys music and this was the first song I downloaded, just by chance. It's almost haunting.


Save vs. Death

The man largely responsible for the creation of Dungeons and Dragons has passed away. Gary Gygax died on Tuesday at the age of 69, much like when I learned of Madeline L'Engle's passing, this makes me sad.

Mostly, when someone of celebrity passes, I note it and then move on with my day, but occasionally someone passes that makes me stop and note a true loss to the world at large. Gary Gygax is one of those people. I was one of those kids that never really "fit". I was too smart for most of the kids my own age and to young to hang out with adults. I read, I created...I was an anomaly. And then I discovered D&D. Playing D&D I could immerse myself in a world where the creatures I read about on the pages of books came to life. I got to battle them and do things that were sometimes heroic...and sometimes not so heroic. And the best part was, there were six other people sitting at the same table who all got into it just as much as me.

Every Saturday we weren't to "smart kid" or the "weird kid" or the "dork" or the "jock" or any of the other lables forced on us by society at large. We were a group united in a common cause. We fought as one. We were friends and companions. Our world was rich and colorful and nothing could hurt us. It was a wonderful place to be. And we owed it all to a man named Gary Gygax.

So, Thanks Gary, wherever you are now. I hope there's a table waiting and a set of dice warmed up. We'll miss you!

If only I could get on Welfare

Today I had to do my "interview" so we could get my son into the C.H.I.P program. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a health insurance program that is available through the state for families who make to much money to qualify for Medicaid, but not enough to pay the premiums for regular medical insurance...you know, most Americans. At the end of the interview, the young woman speaking with me said that I should be sure to get her all the required documentation in a timely manner as my family was "very close" to the income cut off. This made me ask her a question.

You see, although we are required to pay all of our bills, things like rent, heat, electricity, medical bills for myself and Russ (who is an insulin dependant diabetic) the state only uses a percentage of these things as deductions. This means that they begin by using the pretax amount of wages and then only deduct a fraction of what we actually pay out for necessity living expenses to decide whether or not my son qualifies for this program. I asked her why that was. I mean, it would be great if I could go to my landlord, the gas company and all the others and say, "Hey, we can't really afford to pay you the whole amount this month, so how does 48% sound?" Who wouldn't like to be able to do that, right? Do you know what her answer was?

"We calculate eligibility using a percentage because the fear is that if we use the whole amount people will purposely try to live above their means and then get on government programs like Medicaid and Food Stamps."

I almost choked on my tongue. Apparently the geniuses in charge think that we, the great unwashed, are just sitting out here dying to get on public assistance. They apparently believe that living on welfare is soooo attractive that we would all rush right out and con landlords into renting homes to us that we obviously couldn't afford JUST so we could get food stamps. I am slack jawed at the thought process that had to go into this.

The next thing you know someone is going to tell me people aren't really homeless, they're actually "outdoor enthusiasts".


For the last two years I've spent most of my time alone with my son and my depression. Just the three of us inside the house, going nowhere fast together. We have a comfortable little routine all worked out. My days just sort of melt into each other and I know that no matter how big I talk, they aren't really going to change. I don't really have any friends, not locally, and I don't even work outside of the home at the moment. I have night classes, but it's usually just me and a screen in a white walled room, not a lot of stimulation there.

For the last few days I've been opening and closing the same document...my resume. I open it and I stare at it for a few minutes and then I close it again after I start to feel bile rise in the back of my throat. See, I have the chance to apply for a really great job. Not only a really great job, but a real job. You know, the kind that can actually be called a career? And I'm scared shitless.

I've never had a "real" job before. I've had a lot of jobs, but nothing that even comes close to what you would call a career. I haven't really been out in the world for the last two years, hell, I haven't really been a part of the world for the last four. I feel out of touch and I'm scared. Has anyone else ever felt like that?