For the last two years I've spent most of my time alone with my son and my depression. Just the three of us inside the house, going nowhere fast together. We have a comfortable little routine all worked out. My days just sort of melt into each other and I know that no matter how big I talk, they aren't really going to change. I don't really have any friends, not locally, and I don't even work outside of the home at the moment. I have night classes, but it's usually just me and a screen in a white walled room, not a lot of stimulation there.
For the last few days I've been opening and closing the same document...my resume. I open it and I stare at it for a few minutes and then I close it again after I start to feel bile rise in the back of my throat. See, I have the chance to apply for a really great job. Not only a really great job, but a real job. You know, the kind that can actually be called a career? And I'm scared shitless.
I've never had a "real" job before. I've had a lot of jobs, but nothing that even comes close to what you would call a career. I haven't really been out in the world for the last two years, hell, I haven't really been a part of the world for the last four. I feel out of touch and I'm scared. Has anyone else ever felt like that?