3.03.2008

For the last two years I've spent most of my time alone with my son and my depression. Just the three of us inside the house, going nowhere fast together. We have a comfortable little routine all worked out. My days just sort of melt into each other and I know that no matter how big I talk, they aren't really going to change. I don't really have any friends, not locally, and I don't even work outside of the home at the moment. I have night classes, but it's usually just me and a screen in a white walled room, not a lot of stimulation there.

For the last few days I've been opening and closing the same document...my resume. I open it and I stare at it for a few minutes and then I close it again after I start to feel bile rise in the back of my throat. See, I have the chance to apply for a really great job. Not only a really great job, but a real job. You know, the kind that can actually be called a career? And I'm scared shitless.

I've never had a "real" job before. I've had a lot of jobs, but nothing that even comes close to what you would call a career. I haven't really been out in the world for the last two years, hell, I haven't really been a part of the world for the last four. I feel out of touch and I'm scared. Has anyone else ever felt like that?

5 comments:

Ian Thomas Healy said...

Best of luck.

Ian

jessabean said...

It will never hurt to apply. I say go for it! The only time I felt like that was when I was just graduating from college and terrified of joining the "real world."

And while I can't say the first job I had was the best ever, it was a start. A really good start.

You can do it. I know you can. Is there a resume writing service at your school that could help you, maybe give you some pointers on the transition?

Oh, I sent you a present in the mail today! :)

Charming said...

Every new thing we do is something we previously ''never did before'' - Life is nothing if not a series of new events and experiences, some we seek out, most of which are thrust upon us.

All that to say: I have had to regroup, recenter and restart more times in the last several years than I ever thought was humanly possible and it's taught me this: Trying never killed anyone but regret will eat you up alive.

Go fer it.

Inarticulate Fumblings said...

Career is defined as a chose pursuit; the general course or progression of one's working life. It's not defined by how much money you make, what status it gives you. That is something we attach to the definition by way of our egos.

You're already working at your current career. You're a mother. Adding a job is just adding to your "working life."

I say, go for it... and if it doesn't work out, try for the next one. I am completing my 11th year of post-secondary education and I am hovering in a strange "unemployable" place. Under-qualified for some positions, overqualified for others.

The only thing you can be sure of is that you won't get the position if you don't apply.

Best of luck to you!

knightjorge said...

I'm a little bit late on this one, I blame not having internet for a week.

Go for it!

And we so need to talk to. Apparently there are things to catch up on. Like you telling me what this awesome opportunity is. :)