5.16.2007

The View Outside My Window

When I woke up this morning, it was a good day. I was happy. I felt good. I have just returned to college and feel a sense of pride about making that happen. I played with my son. I read a good book. I spoke with friends. I laughed.

It's 10:30 at night and I'm painfully aware of the regrets and unhappiness I carry inside of me. I feel a bitter sense of disappointment about the things I haven't been able to accomplish. I look around me and I see people doing and being the things I thought I would be doing and being when I was this age. It makes me sad. It makes me lonely. It makes me a little angry.

The irony here? Tomorrow morning I will wake up and I will feel fine. I will know that what happens happens for a reason and that my life is good the way it is.

I hate Bipolar Disorder.

2 comments:

super des said...

You definitely need a sun lamp. Not for tanning, but for mooding.

viciousrumours said...

I only wish that helped. *grins* Summer is a great time for me. Being outside...and in the sun. Even then, if I'm depressed, I'm depressed. You learn to live with it, just like anything else.

Although the tanning would be a nice thing, too.