I've never blown a giraffe before...

This weekend was spent hating the common cold, drinking lots of Alka Seltzer and watching random crap on the television. Two winners were found amid the myriad of reruns and mindless bullshit.

The first winner was The Food Network Challenge. I love watching the Food Network. I love the challenge shows and Iron Chef America. I just generally enjoy the idea that someone found a way to take food and make it EXTREME. This weekend they ran a couple of old shows I hadn't seen before and as I'm watching I hear a sentence that will make me laugh from now on. Dicussing how he will WOW the judges should he advance to the final stage of this particular competition, on contestant said, "I've never blown a giraffe before..." I'm sure there was more to the sentence, but at that point I was laughing so hard I couldn't see. Later in the same show the announcer said, in a very serious voice, "He's going to try and blow the dolphin again..." As before, I'm quite positive there was more to that statement, but the dumb ass teenager in me took over and my mind was overflowing with obnoxious comments.

The second big winner of the weekend was:



This is officially my new favorite action movie...of all time! This movie is so fucking over the top it's unbelievable. It is so improbable as to be impossible and yet it isn't cheesy. The one liners are fantastic. But the thing that cinched it for me? Clive Owen kills a guy with a carrot in the opening sequence. Yes, you read that right...he kills a man with a carrot. How can you not love a movie where the hero stabs a guy with a carrot and then says, "Eat your vegetables." ?

How was your weekend?