When I woke up this morning, it was a good day. I was happy. I felt good. I have just returned to college and feel a sense of pride about making that happen. I played with my son. I read a good book. I spoke with friends. I laughed.
It's 10:30 at night and I'm painfully aware of the regrets and unhappiness I carry inside of me. I feel a bitter sense of disappointment about the things I haven't been able to accomplish. I look around me and I see people doing and being the things I thought I would be doing and being when I was this age. It makes me sad. It makes me lonely. It makes me a little angry.
The irony here? Tomorrow morning I will wake up and I will feel fine. I will know that what happens happens for a reason and that my life is good the way it is.
I hate Bipolar Disorder.
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Ten Things I've Figured Out
- I'm not any cooler now than I was when I was 13.
- Having a lot of books is like having a lot of televison channels...It makes it harder to choose.
- My son's smile will always make me feel better.
- Even if the memories aren't all good ones, having them is a really special thing.
- I am always going to be a terrible housekeeper
- My daughter is growing up, even if I don't want her to.
- My dog loves me more than anyone else in the house.
- My husband really is that much of a kid at heart.
- No matter how hard I try to pretend, I still hate eating my vegetables!
- You can never have to many kinds of lotion or to many flavors of lipgloss.
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2 comments:
You definitely need a sun lamp. Not for tanning, but for mooding.
I only wish that helped. *grins* Summer is a great time for me. Being outside...and in the sun. Even then, if I'm depressed, I'm depressed. You learn to live with it, just like anything else.
Although the tanning would be a nice thing, too.
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