Got into a little argument with the husband person this evening. Lately I feel we don't have much in common. I want to talk about the state of the world, he wants to play video games. I want to discuss a book I just read, he wants to play video games. I want to show him something new I just wrote, he wants to play...well, you get the picture.
I used to think I could be happy in my little corner of the world. I'm not so sure of that anymore. That crazy, idealistic person I was when I was young has been poking her head out and making a whole lot of noise lately. How do I make room in that world for a person that nods and says, "Huh?" while looking at me out of the corner of his eye?
Can you build a lasting future on good sex and similar taste in movies? We can't even agree on why you should keep a book. I collect books because I will read them over and over. He collects them because he "wants to have them". It's odd, I never realized we had grown so far apart. It's weird, isn't it? How you can wake up one morning and look at someone and see distance where there used to be closeness?
It troubles me.
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Our words are floating in cyberspace like dead letters at the post office..just waiting for someone to find them and read them....
Ten Things I've Figured Out
- I'm not any cooler now than I was when I was 13.
- Having a lot of books is like having a lot of televison channels...It makes it harder to choose.
- My son's smile will always make me feel better.
- Even if the memories aren't all good ones, having them is a really special thing.
- I am always going to be a terrible housekeeper
- My daughter is growing up, even if I don't want her to.
- My dog loves me more than anyone else in the house.
- My husband really is that much of a kid at heart.
- No matter how hard I try to pretend, I still hate eating my vegetables!
- You can never have to many kinds of lotion or to many flavors of lipgloss.
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10 comments:
Well sounds like you need a girlfriend. Great sex and movies are taken care of, so you need a buddy to chat about the state of the world and all that other stuff. He can play his videoogames while you go out and have an enthralling discussion over tea.
Since we live so far apart, I offer my services via email. It's not quite the same, but we can still have tea.
Without going into detail about my own situation...
...I know exactly how you feel. :(
Ian
I also understand. It's worth addressing openly; you did so very eloquently (natch!) right here. Is he the type to listen and take it as it's presented, or to read into it? Only you know.
We have a code for it: Waves and Troughs. If we're in a down few months (or year, whatever), we just acknowledge that "we're in another trough, shit" but know that a wave'll be coming along soon enough. It hasn't failed so far.
But seriously, too, super des might be onto something.
I agree with Des and DangerDoll...maybe if you can find a friend to share that crazy, idealistic side with, you'll feel a little more balance. It could be that your husband complements that aspect of you rather than mimics it.
That's the crazy, idealistic me talking there. I hope that you will be able to feel less troubled this soon!
After 10 years, I've been there myself a few times. I've got a video game-loving, computer loving homebody vs. his extroverted, party girl, busybusy wife.
Once we even nearly called it quits.
I'm glad we didn't.
He just needed a little "wake up call" and I needed to learn how to appreciate other qualities in him.
Things are better than ever now.
I know, everyone's relationship is different. Just maybe consider "rethinking" how you look at your dynamics as a couple.
Maybe it will work, maybe it won't.
Mmmm, it's so hard because you went into the relationship assuming that he would be the confidant, the buddy, the person with whom you had so much in common. Sure, you can go out and get other friends, and that could solve the problem. But it won't keep you from mourning that HE wasn't that friend.
Don't give up on him yet, though! Maybe you could strategically plan a power outtage, and then maybe you two can talk some of this through.
Been there (different reasons) and things are much better now. I hope you can work it out too. Maybe he'd be amenable to chatting about a book if you played a videogame with him once in a while?
I think that people grow apart and come back together in cycles. And that having friends are important. I would be lost without my ladies.
See? Cycles. Waves and troughs. Only you heard it from someone much smarter than I am. Hah!
I need more ladies. Can y'all just move down here? KTHX!
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