My son has been sick all weekend. I feel so bad for him because I can't fix it and he just doesn't understand why. It's the part of being a parent that I hate the most. The part where your child looks at you and is hurt and crying and all you can do is pick them up and snuggle them.
He had a fever most of the weekend and didn't want to eat. We spent most of our time sitting on the couch with me rubbing his little feet and whispering to him to get him to try and sleep.
When the fever finally broke, he sat up and smiled a tired smile and blew me a little kiss.....and I swear to God, it made my eyes tear up. He is the sweetest little thing.
This is the first time he's actually been sick..you know, something more than the sniffles, so it was hard on me....even harder on his daddy.
Russ had to work on Friday and so he wasn't able to stay home and do the snuggle kiss thing. Poor man looked like he was going to the gallows when he walked out of this house on Friday morning, his son laying in my arms behind him crying for daddy.
He made it home in record time that night, and spent the rest of the weekend fetching juice, playing cars and rubbing Jareth's back. It was cute and sweet and warmed my heart.
We may not have money, we may live in a ratty ass little trailer, we may not even always like each other...but there is a lot of love in this house. It just takes something like a sweet, exhausted, sick little boy to bring it to the front of our minds. Thank god for children....God couldn't have given me a better gift.
3.26.2006
3.23.2006
Goodbye Bink
Today my son lost his last "bink" ( his pacifier) and instead of tearing the house apart looking for it, I have decided to let it stay lost.
Now comes a week to ten days of constant crying at naptime and bedtime and at other various times during the day.....I am SOOOO looking forward to this. He's laying in bed right now, exhausted and fussy, but refusing to go to sleep. He knows it's gone and he wants me to find it and I feel like a giant heel because I haven't done it yet.
Parental guilt, you know I love it.
Why is it that this tiny little child can look at me with tears in his eyes and I want to move the earth to make it better? Where does that come from? I have never understood how some people can just watch their children cry in pain, or fear, or uncertainty. I just have to pick mine up, snuggle them and try to reassure them that life will continue and that they will be okay. And when I can't..it kills me inside.
Well, wish me luck with the removal of the final bink.....hopefully he'll get used to it before I cave and go buy him a new one.
Any bets???
Now comes a week to ten days of constant crying at naptime and bedtime and at other various times during the day.....I am SOOOO looking forward to this. He's laying in bed right now, exhausted and fussy, but refusing to go to sleep. He knows it's gone and he wants me to find it and I feel like a giant heel because I haven't done it yet.
Parental guilt, you know I love it.
Why is it that this tiny little child can look at me with tears in his eyes and I want to move the earth to make it better? Where does that come from? I have never understood how some people can just watch their children cry in pain, or fear, or uncertainty. I just have to pick mine up, snuggle them and try to reassure them that life will continue and that they will be okay. And when I can't..it kills me inside.
Well, wish me luck with the removal of the final bink.....hopefully he'll get used to it before I cave and go buy him a new one.
Any bets???
3.21.2006
Disgusted.....
So I'm reading the news online today and I come across an article on MSNBC about a teacher in Florida accused of having sex with a fourteen year old boy. The DA decided to drop the charges so the victim wouldn't have to testify. So the woman gets off pretty much unpunished.
Here's the part that disgusted me, as I'm reading I come across this quote fromt eh woman:
At a news conference in Tampa, Lafave said she has bipolar disorder, and her attorney said she is getting treatment.
“I want the world to see that bipolar is real,” Lafave said. “Not one time has the media brought up the subject of my bipolar. I challenge you to read a book or an article on bipolar illness.”
I thought I was going to puke. I happen to be bipolar, and there has not been one time in my life, not medicated or otherwise...not in the middle of my WORST manic episode, that I have EVER felt the urge to have sex with a child.
The fact that this is even being presented as a plausible excuse, " Oh, did I have sex with a child, I'm sorry, I was having an episode, it really wasn't my fault." makes me want to call the State Attorney's office in Florida and yell at someone. This woman is, in my opinion, a glaring example of why mental illness has such a stigma still attached to it.
When we allow people to say, "Yes, I did it, but it really wasn't my fault, I'm sick" we degrade the people who have struggled against their illnesses, fought long and hard to overcome them and learned to take responsibility for their own actions.
It's past time that we stand up and say, "There are reasons and there are excuses, we're tired of excuses."
There may be an undrelying cause to a problem, but that doesn't necessarily excuse the person who did wrong from accepting responsibility and punishment for what they did.
Here's the part that disgusted me, as I'm reading I come across this quote fromt eh woman:
At a news conference in Tampa, Lafave said she has bipolar disorder, and her attorney said she is getting treatment.
“I want the world to see that bipolar is real,” Lafave said. “Not one time has the media brought up the subject of my bipolar. I challenge you to read a book or an article on bipolar illness.”
I thought I was going to puke. I happen to be bipolar, and there has not been one time in my life, not medicated or otherwise...not in the middle of my WORST manic episode, that I have EVER felt the urge to have sex with a child.
The fact that this is even being presented as a plausible excuse, " Oh, did I have sex with a child, I'm sorry, I was having an episode, it really wasn't my fault." makes me want to call the State Attorney's office in Florida and yell at someone. This woman is, in my opinion, a glaring example of why mental illness has such a stigma still attached to it.
When we allow people to say, "Yes, I did it, but it really wasn't my fault, I'm sick" we degrade the people who have struggled against their illnesses, fought long and hard to overcome them and learned to take responsibility for their own actions.
It's past time that we stand up and say, "There are reasons and there are excuses, we're tired of excuses."
There may be an undrelying cause to a problem, but that doesn't necessarily excuse the person who did wrong from accepting responsibility and punishment for what they did.
3.14.2006
Grocery Lists
Do you write a list before you go to the grocery store? What do you do with it when your done? Apparently there is a home for all those abandoned grocery lists.
No, Seriously.....check it out. Click on the title of the post and you'll see what I mean. I could hardly believe my eyes....the internet does have a site for everything.
No, Seriously.....check it out. Click on the title of the post and you'll see what I mean. I could hardly believe my eyes....the internet does have a site for everything.
I was just reading an article about a proposed solution to fears of heightened crime in the disater zone in Louisiana, specifically St. Charles Parish.
They are proposal is this: Hire a private security company and deputize them, give them guns and some "supervision" and places like temporary camps and constuction sites.
Now, I think this sounds like a decent plan, on the surface. It would provide much needed relief to a law enforcement agency being spread to thin by lack of trained personell and lack of money to pay them.
However:
Has anyone considered the following?
(1) it will cost the taxpayers of this country nearly $700 dollars a day, totalling billions, over the next three years. Why not recruit actual officers from other areas of the country, and provide the parish with the funds to pay them what they would normally earn?
(2) What happens the first time one of these "deputies" screws up what would be a legitimate arrest because they get hot headed and do not follow proper procedure? Violation of a suspects civil rights would cause the case to be tossed, and let a criminal go free. And if you think that won't happen...wait, it will.
I think that the government has spent to much time putting people up in hotel rooms and talking about how they are going to fix things. They need to just DO IT!!! Give the people who are homeless and out of work, work rebuilding the city. Give them a place to live...but not cruise ships and hotels.
We need to face the facts, Katrina did serious damage, but sitting around and talking about it isn't fixing anything.
They are proposal is this: Hire a private security company and deputize them, give them guns and some "supervision" and places like temporary camps and constuction sites.
Now, I think this sounds like a decent plan, on the surface. It would provide much needed relief to a law enforcement agency being spread to thin by lack of trained personell and lack of money to pay them.
However:
Has anyone considered the following?
(1) it will cost the taxpayers of this country nearly $700 dollars a day, totalling billions, over the next three years. Why not recruit actual officers from other areas of the country, and provide the parish with the funds to pay them what they would normally earn?
(2) What happens the first time one of these "deputies" screws up what would be a legitimate arrest because they get hot headed and do not follow proper procedure? Violation of a suspects civil rights would cause the case to be tossed, and let a criminal go free. And if you think that won't happen...wait, it will.
I think that the government has spent to much time putting people up in hotel rooms and talking about how they are going to fix things. They need to just DO IT!!! Give the people who are homeless and out of work, work rebuilding the city. Give them a place to live...but not cruise ships and hotels.
We need to face the facts, Katrina did serious damage, but sitting around and talking about it isn't fixing anything.
3.09.2006
I Love Toys!!!
They have a new show on VH1 called I Love Toys. They are counting down the top 100 toys and I have been surprised how many of them I actually had as a kid.
1. The Big Wheel: Anyone else have one of these? You'd see all the kids in the commercial zipping down the sidewalk, when in reality, you could barely get it moving without someone shoving you down the sidewalk first.
2. Spirograph: I used to run the pen over and over the pattern until the paper cut, yeah I was a twisted child.
3. Baby Alive: I actually had one of these. It was a baby doll that you fed "real" food to and then she peed or pooped her diaper. Charming, huh?
4. Tinkertoys: Oh yeah....sticks and wheels with holes....I used to make Magic Wands and pretend I was a princess.
5. Tonka Trucks: Back when I was a kid, they were made out of metal, and if you got pissed off at one of your friends it could become a deadly weapon. Now they are made of mostly plastic. That's sad.
6. Fisher Price Little People: Little People were made of wood or plastic and were actually little when I was playing with them. Now they have these cherubic little faces and cute little outfits molded onto them.
Toys are so much fun. I love going into the second hand store and finding old toys from when I was little. I actually found an old He-Man action figure the other day....Wow...talk about a gay icon, huh? He-Man was something else.
Ahhh...nostalgia!!!
1. The Big Wheel: Anyone else have one of these? You'd see all the kids in the commercial zipping down the sidewalk, when in reality, you could barely get it moving without someone shoving you down the sidewalk first.
2. Spirograph: I used to run the pen over and over the pattern until the paper cut, yeah I was a twisted child.
3. Baby Alive: I actually had one of these. It was a baby doll that you fed "real" food to and then she peed or pooped her diaper. Charming, huh?
4. Tinkertoys: Oh yeah....sticks and wheels with holes....I used to make Magic Wands and pretend I was a princess.
5. Tonka Trucks: Back when I was a kid, they were made out of metal, and if you got pissed off at one of your friends it could become a deadly weapon. Now they are made of mostly plastic. That's sad.
6. Fisher Price Little People: Little People were made of wood or plastic and were actually little when I was playing with them. Now they have these cherubic little faces and cute little outfits molded onto them.
Toys are so much fun. I love going into the second hand store and finding old toys from when I was little. I actually found an old He-Man action figure the other day....Wow...talk about a gay icon, huh? He-Man was something else.
Ahhh...nostalgia!!!
3.08.2006
3.07.2006
Orwell was right......
Okay, here's a reallly bad idea. Store ALL of your personal and private information on a coporate server.
There's an article on MSN this morning talking about how Google is trying to develope some sort "GDrive". This would take all of the information on your personal computer's hard drive.....cookies, bookmarks, emails....everything....and store it to Google servers.
Anyone besides me see the danger in this little scenario? Are we really so complacent as a society, so lax in protecting our own freedoms that anyone would really take advantage of this? Especially with the Patriot Act in place. What's to stop the federal government from subpeoning Google and making them give full access to all data stored to the FBI or some such nonsense....for the good of National Security, of course. ( Kind of like them looking at peoples library records....for National Security *wink wink*)
Wow....do I sound like a conspiracy theorist or what? Somebody better get me some aluminum foil......
There's an article on MSN this morning talking about how Google is trying to develope some sort "GDrive". This would take all of the information on your personal computer's hard drive.....cookies, bookmarks, emails....everything....and store it to Google servers.
Anyone besides me see the danger in this little scenario? Are we really so complacent as a society, so lax in protecting our own freedoms that anyone would really take advantage of this? Especially with the Patriot Act in place. What's to stop the federal government from subpeoning Google and making them give full access to all data stored to the FBI or some such nonsense....for the good of National Security, of course. ( Kind of like them looking at peoples library records....for National Security *wink wink*)
Wow....do I sound like a conspiracy theorist or what? Somebody better get me some aluminum foil......
3.06.2006
They Got me....
As much as I hate to admit it, I watched the last hour of the Oscars tonight. I didn't mean to watch, but as I was flipping past I got sucked in. I haven't watched an awards show in YEARS and here I end up watchin the Oscars..sheesh.
Have you noticed that there is an awards show for everything under the sun now? It used to be the Grammys, the Golden Globe, the Academy Awards, The Emmys and the Tony Awards. Now they have Billboard, People's Choice, Image, American Music, blah, blah blah...it goes on and on. It's sort of like saying, "Well if you don't win one here, just wait, another award show will be along in a moment."
Do any of these awards even mean anything anymore? I don't watch the Grammy Awards anymore because all of the music coming out today pretty much sounds the same, or is hyped up drivel. They don't give awards for ACTUAL music. The Oscars...well let's just say until they actually gave one to Peter Jackson for LOTR I hadn't agreed with most of the selections in a LONG time...right about the time Whoppie Goldberg didn't win for The Color Purple.
We are becoming a society of people who seem desperate for acknowledgement and pats on the back. It seems to me that very few people do what they do for the sheer love of it, and the ones that do don't seem to get awards.
Am I ranting? I'm ranting....I'll come back when I have something of intellectual value to impart.
Or as soon as the urge to rant overtakes me again....
Whichever comes first.
Have you noticed that there is an awards show for everything under the sun now? It used to be the Grammys, the Golden Globe, the Academy Awards, The Emmys and the Tony Awards. Now they have Billboard, People's Choice, Image, American Music, blah, blah blah...it goes on and on. It's sort of like saying, "Well if you don't win one here, just wait, another award show will be along in a moment."
Do any of these awards even mean anything anymore? I don't watch the Grammy Awards anymore because all of the music coming out today pretty much sounds the same, or is hyped up drivel. They don't give awards for ACTUAL music. The Oscars...well let's just say until they actually gave one to Peter Jackson for LOTR I hadn't agreed with most of the selections in a LONG time...right about the time Whoppie Goldberg didn't win for The Color Purple.
We are becoming a society of people who seem desperate for acknowledgement and pats on the back. It seems to me that very few people do what they do for the sheer love of it, and the ones that do don't seem to get awards.
Am I ranting? I'm ranting....I'll come back when I have something of intellectual value to impart.
Or as soon as the urge to rant overtakes me again....
Whichever comes first.
3.02.2006
What I learned today
I learned :
When you let your two year old have red jello, he should be on the tile in the kitchen.
The dog doesn't like red jello, or mini carrots, but he will eat tiny pieces of cheese and broken pringles.
Nair and pregnancy, while sounding harmless enough, is simply not a good idea. ( And that's ALL I'm saying)
Staying up until six am is only fun when you're a teenager and there are cute guys involved, not when your two year old decides that sleeping is something he really doesn't need to do.
Dishes will most certainly NOT wash themselves.
Neither will clothes.
It is possible to get an entire aisle in Walmart to stare at you if you make the same funny noises, out loud, that your toddler makes.
What did you learn today?
When you let your two year old have red jello, he should be on the tile in the kitchen.
The dog doesn't like red jello, or mini carrots, but he will eat tiny pieces of cheese and broken pringles.
Nair and pregnancy, while sounding harmless enough, is simply not a good idea. ( And that's ALL I'm saying)
Staying up until six am is only fun when you're a teenager and there are cute guys involved, not when your two year old decides that sleeping is something he really doesn't need to do.
Dishes will most certainly NOT wash themselves.
Neither will clothes.
It is possible to get an entire aisle in Walmart to stare at you if you make the same funny noises, out loud, that your toddler makes.
What did you learn today?
3.01.2006
My son....the gerbil
Apparently my son is part gerbil. We put him to bed last night, expecting the normal amount of playing around before he went to bed....you know fussing, getting up, pulling toys out....just general" I don't want to go to bed yet" stuff.
About twenty minutes after we laid him down, I sent Russ in to check on him and I hear, " Would you like to come and look at what your son has done?" ( He's always MY son when he gets into something...)
I stepped around the corner and looked into my son's room, and what do I see? A small Nerf footbal we had bought him laying on his bed, torn to shreds....not by little fingers, but by little teeth. It looked like the dog had gotten a hold of it. I laughed so hard I thought I would pee.
At least he didn't shove Cheerio's up his nose though, right?
About twenty minutes after we laid him down, I sent Russ in to check on him and I hear, " Would you like to come and look at what your son has done?" ( He's always MY son when he gets into something...)
I stepped around the corner and looked into my son's room, and what do I see? A small Nerf footbal we had bought him laying on his bed, torn to shreds....not by little fingers, but by little teeth. It looked like the dog had gotten a hold of it. I laughed so hard I thought I would pee.
At least he didn't shove Cheerio's up his nose though, right?
2.27.2006
Apparently there is a new case being heard in England regarding the Da Vinci Code. It seems that the authors of a book, "Holy Blood, Holy Grail" think that author Dan Brown stole his idea from them.
Their attorney claims that they aren't suing based on theft of specific parts of the text, but on the "appropriation of themes and ideas".
Okay....here's my problem with that. Do they honestly believe that they are the only ones to have had that particular idea? I mean really. If you're going to start suing for "appropriation of themes and ideas" every romance novelist in the WORLD is guilty. Those themes and ideas get recycled so often it's not funny, and yet you don't see Nora Roberts and Jayne Anne Krantz fist fighting ont he steps of the courthouse.
I think, personally, that these two men had an idea and the book just didn't take off....and now they want a slice of a more successful pie. Plain and simple.
Their attorney claims that they aren't suing based on theft of specific parts of the text, but on the "appropriation of themes and ideas".
Okay....here's my problem with that. Do they honestly believe that they are the only ones to have had that particular idea? I mean really. If you're going to start suing for "appropriation of themes and ideas" every romance novelist in the WORLD is guilty. Those themes and ideas get recycled so often it's not funny, and yet you don't see Nora Roberts and Jayne Anne Krantz fist fighting ont he steps of the courthouse.
I think, personally, that these two men had an idea and the book just didn't take off....and now they want a slice of a more successful pie. Plain and simple.
My son, whom I love dearly, refuses to sleep. It is after two in the morning and he is STILL awake. And not the quiet, snuggled up with mommy awake either. It's the screaming, hollering, crying whenever you put him to bed awake. The one that you just can't ignore.
I have a feeling that the next year of my son's life is going to be very interesting. I'm about to catch all of the "terrible two" stuff my daughter never did.
Stay Tuned.
I have a feeling that the next year of my son's life is going to be very interesting. I'm about to catch all of the "terrible two" stuff my daughter never did.
Stay Tuned.
2.25.2006
*insert evil laugh here*
I usually don't post the results of these silly little quizzes, but this one was funny.
I love it!!!
| You Are 68% Evil |
 You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot. |
I love it!!!
So I have to go out to the hospital lab tomorrow and have that stupid three hour blood test. I've been reading and reasearching about the gestational diabetes tests and it seems that there are a lot of false positives recorded....this does not make me smile.
I will be asking the technician , and my doctor what the difference is between the tests they are having me take and the daily blood testing Russ has to do. I've been checking my blood sugar at random and if I check it in the morning it's around 90 or 95, if I check it after I eat, it's never higher than 115, which, although it's at the higher end, is still well within normal for my age and body weight....at least according to the American Diabetes Association.
It's frustrating not to know what to trust. I'm gonna be so frustrated if I have to spend the last two months of this pregnancy on a special diet...I really am. I'll do it though, because any chance is to much of a chance, you know? *sighs* I hate being a responsible adult, I really do.
I will be asking the technician , and my doctor what the difference is between the tests they are having me take and the daily blood testing Russ has to do. I've been checking my blood sugar at random and if I check it in the morning it's around 90 or 95, if I check it after I eat, it's never higher than 115, which, although it's at the higher end, is still well within normal for my age and body weight....at least according to the American Diabetes Association.
It's frustrating not to know what to trust. I'm gonna be so frustrated if I have to spend the last two months of this pregnancy on a special diet...I really am. I'll do it though, because any chance is to much of a chance, you know? *sighs* I hate being a responsible adult, I really do.
2.24.2006
Why do we give these things titles?
I was just thinking about that....I hate having to come up with clever or interesting titles for every new post I make. So why do I do it? Am I giving in to peer pressure? No. Am I looking for some sort of recognition of my ability to aptly title every little thing I write? No.
I think I may just stop titling the damn things unless I start the post with a specific theme in mind. Maybe I'll just start posting with no clue as to what you are about to read.
Maybe I shouldn't try to write after midnight anymore.
I think I may just stop titling the damn things unless I start the post with a specific theme in mind. Maybe I'll just start posting with no clue as to what you are about to read.
Maybe I shouldn't try to write after midnight anymore.
2.22.2006
My son and the snow boots
My son, who is almost two, has been wearing his snow boots everywhere since I bought them for him a month ago. Last night, he was running around the house in a diaper and his snow boots. Needless to say they are his favorite thing.
Here's the problem, they stink. He wears them all the time, usually without socks, so his little feet sweat. And now the boots ( and my sons feet, by the end of the day_ smell awful.
I just don't have the heart to take them away from him, and the lining isn't removable, so washing is out. I think this is one of those things I'm going to chalk up to the " Do you have any idea what I put up with when you were little" column and save it so I can embarrass him in front of his first real girlfriend.
Here's the problem, they stink. He wears them all the time, usually without socks, so his little feet sweat. And now the boots ( and my sons feet, by the end of the day_ smell awful.
I just don't have the heart to take them away from him, and the lining isn't removable, so washing is out. I think this is one of those things I'm going to chalk up to the " Do you have any idea what I put up with when you were little" column and save it so I can embarrass him in front of his first real girlfriend.
Requiem
It was spring when she met him. He smiled at her when she made a joke. They shared a few conversations in the weeks that followed and she began to look forward to seeing him.
When he asked her out, she said yes, reluctantly. Dating had never been her thing. He laughed and told her it was only drinks, not a marriage proposal.
Summer was touching the earth when he proposed. The sweat of sex still clinging to him. He swore he loved her like he had loved no other. She swallowed her fear and said yes. They held each other like tomorrow could never touch them.
The chill of fall was on the wind when she felt him move away from her. The child inside her moved and she cried for what might not be. She bled and he promised to be with her forever.
Winter froze the ground when she knew he was gone. No more long nights talking, no more casual caresses or whispered words of love. Lies leaked from his mouth, running like acid into her.
Spring came again when the child arrived. Bright and beautiful, coloring her world with meaning. She held him and promised his life would be good. She looked at the man she had thought was good and felt the sorrow leach her strength.
Summer came again and she knew he did not care. No loving touches, no small remembrances. Only more acrid lies. They carved her apart. He only looked through her, not caring for her pain.
It was fall again when they found her. Body broke, torn apart. All she had left was a simple shred of paper, what remained of his only love letter.
Better to die a broken body, a broken heart takes to long.
When he asked her out, she said yes, reluctantly. Dating had never been her thing. He laughed and told her it was only drinks, not a marriage proposal.
Summer was touching the earth when he proposed. The sweat of sex still clinging to him. He swore he loved her like he had loved no other. She swallowed her fear and said yes. They held each other like tomorrow could never touch them.
The chill of fall was on the wind when she felt him move away from her. The child inside her moved and she cried for what might not be. She bled and he promised to be with her forever.
Winter froze the ground when she knew he was gone. No more long nights talking, no more casual caresses or whispered words of love. Lies leaked from his mouth, running like acid into her.
Spring came again when the child arrived. Bright and beautiful, coloring her world with meaning. She held him and promised his life would be good. She looked at the man she had thought was good and felt the sorrow leach her strength.
Summer came again and she knew he did not care. No loving touches, no small remembrances. Only more acrid lies. They carved her apart. He only looked through her, not caring for her pain.
It was fall again when they found her. Body broke, torn apart. All she had left was a simple shred of paper, what remained of his only love letter.
Better to die a broken body, a broken heart takes to long.
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